Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Deep thoughts lately...

Last weekend, the dear husband and I travelled over 10 hrs (each way) to go to a friend's wedding. I happened to have family in the area, so we went a few days early so we could get a chance to see everyone and catch up. We stayed with one of my uncles. He is not related to me by blood, but by marriage. But my aunt passed away this past spring. We were supposed to be staying with BOTH of them :/

Anyway, they were never able to have children. Actually, that is one of the reasons I am afraid I will never bear my own children, as I was related by blood to my aunt, and she had hyperplasia and other problems that contributed to her infertility. They tried to adopt several times, but it always fell through. For whatever reason, it was not in God's plan for them to have kids.

Being at their house, and reflecting on their life together... they were so content. I am sure there were times when the infertility/children issue became a very stressful thing for them, but at least later in their life they seemed content with the blessings they had. They didn't even have any pets as children (as many people do), and basically just decided to love on all of their nieces and nephews as if they were their own.

Thinking about all of this brought me to a place of reflection in my own life. I do think that God has given my husband and I a desire for children, and that He will give them to us one day, whether by adoption or birth. But my aunt and uncle probably thought the same thing at one point.

Will I be content if I never get pregnant? If we never adopt? If I never have the pitter patter of little feet and melody of childish giggles in my home? I think I need to be in that place of contentment. It's not that I'm resigning myself to it or anything, but I really feel that I need to be content with where I am and what I have NOW, instead of being so obsessed with where I want to be, and what I want to have. If clomid works extra well, and I end up with multiples, I should be content. If I end up with one, I should be content. If it doesn't work at all, and I am barren for another length of time, I should be content.

This doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying or stop blogging about it. I just think it's important that I learn to count the blessings that I have, and be content no matter where God leads us.

No comments:

Post a Comment